Sting Relief

You are not his partner
You are his property
Know your place
He belongs to nobody

He does what he wants
You are not abused, so this is fine
His comfort must be catered to
No matter the place, and at all times

He is not obligated to notice
Any change in your habits
Made for the sake of his comfort
There is no other way to have it

He has made no vows
To emotionally fulfill you
You have promised to keep him satisfied
Remember; he does love you

But do not forget your place
You love him, and love seeing him happy
His comfort must come first
This is your sworn duty

No complaints
No tears
You have his love
You have him here

1. Do not cause him discomfort
2. Love him always
3. Remember: He is a self-serving being
Do all this and you will be okay

Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora (c)
10 March 2016 [0651h]

If They Could Hear Us Now...

If they could hear us now, the things we talk about,
They'd think we're crazy; absolutely insane.
What made it so we could even say the things we say?
When things began, what did we expect? Not much;
Maybe a touch or two, here and there, maybe a tiny bit of careless care...
But now when you run your fingers through my hair, my heart skips a beat.
I look into your eyes; so deep, and you smile that unbelievably beautiful smile.
"Wow!"
Every singe day you captivate me, like a never ending first week,
And I see an entire future laid out in front of me.
When did we become forever? When did we ignite this fever? We have fallen ill.
And this illness is bliss. Thank the heavens for this madness!
If they could hear us now, how would they react? In fact, let me rephrase;
Would they think we are blind, and stupid in love?
I care not, because I've been blind. I know I'm young, but maybe life can be that kind!
I've been behind the eyes of a child in love with the idea of 'forever in love'.
I've over-analysed this time and time and I've come to realize that
No matter how I lay it out, it just feels right. For once in my life...
I am one hundred percent sure that this puzzle piece of mine has fallen into place.
Yes, sometimes I get hurt. Maybe you do too.
Of course it's going to hurt sometimes, otherwise it wouldn't be real life.
This is reality.
But nothing is more painful than the thought of life without you here with me.
And yes, sometimes you lack the emotional capacity to see when you have hurt me.
You don't think about the words you say out loud, there is no filter brain to mouth;
Honesty is policy, naturally.
Sometimes the things you say hurt me badly, but then I take some time for me,
And when I think about everything you've ever said that makes me happy...
... All is well again.
Because the things you say that are upsetting are temporary,
But the things you've said that have made me smile are lasting. One last thing;
One day, all the things we say will come true.
This is my vow to you.
If they could hear us now... maybe they'd see a love that's true.
I love you!

Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora (c)
31 January 2016 [0551h]

Asleep

I cannot sleep
Without you here, I'm unable
I lie awake until exhaustion takes over
When the sun comes up, I finally sleep

I feel asleep
Without you here, I am idle
I distract myself through the days of your absence
When I am with you, I finally live

Yet, when I am with you, I sleep
It is the most comfortable sleep I can sleep
When I lay on your chest, in your arms, I am safe
You are my true comfort; I drift to sleep

I am restless
Knowing that it may be a while
'Til the next time I lay with you at night to sleep
It is a little heart breaking... I sigh

It is so cold
You are so warm, you are my warmth
You embrace me; Take the cold from my skin with glee
In your presence, I can find peaceful sleep

I am hopeful
I will hold you tight every night
One day, I won't have to let go of your comfort
The darkness will be filled with my starlight...

... and I will sleep

Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora (c)
17 December 2015 [0404h]

Afraid

I am afraid
I don't want to admit it
I didn't really see it
But I am afraid

You are so beautiful
I can't help but stare
You are my treasure
I can't help but fall

I am in love
So much... too much
You love me
But you are not in love

I am not hurt
I have faith
I am not left wanting
I have more than I had hoped for

Could you ever feel the same?
I do not know
Do you know the answers?
What are you keeping locked away?

You adore me
I am important
I am special
I am in love

I am scared to lose you
Like you are in general
You are afraid to lose
You won't lose me

I reassure you
Can I reassure myself?
I know you love me
Why am I afraid?

I watch you sleep
You are so beautiful
Am I a fool?
You are so beautiful

I feel warm
I feel whole
I feel loved
I feel safe

I don't know if I'm afraid...

Margaret Nicolas DecenaAlpajora 
8 December 2015 [0436h]

You

You

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Monday 24 January 2011 [0127h]

Some girls want a perfect prince charming,

Stare up at the sky, and wish upon a star for "The One".

Long walks in the moonlight, picnics, pictures & dinners,

Together every second of every minute of everyday,

Who will say "I Love You" and call them "babe";

Insincere love letters and stupid made up pet names;

Whether they mean it, or deceive, real or fake, it's poetry.

Some girls want someone who's mushy and gushy -

So fussy; It disgusts me, no need for trust or honesty.

Somebody who'll buy them jewelry, candy, teddies & tarts;

Presents from their pockets & not from the heart.

A perfect "love" with the perfect "man";

Their "Happily ever after" living in a fairytale land.

That "Once upon a time" story with that "Love at first sight" plot

No bumps, humps, troubles, worries or fights,

The "perfect" relationship to match their perfect dreams.

Me?

I want... You.

Confession time, no holding back, these are the things I think,

Too afraid to admit to you, scared that you'll walk away.

Why...? Because I want... You.

Are you perfect? No. Are you worth it? Everyday.

When we argue, I wanna stop and apologize; I realize

There's not a relationship in the world that don't have fights,

So I say to you that I'm sorry, cuz I'm afraid that it's too late;

I've made you angry, but I'm not gonna give up that easy.

When you're stressin, feelin bad, mad, sad, or angry;

Don't wanna think about it or speak about it,

I wanna hold you close and just sit there in silence,

No talkin, no questions, confessions, drama, anger or tears;

Just want you to know that I'll always be here,

Always ready to go through hell with you, be with you, see you through,

All the smiles & all the pain & all the bad days.

When you wanna be alone, I don't need to really be next to you;

Just know I'm with you, body, mind, heart & soul;

Just a call away, even if we end up in silence, I'm present.

When you don't wanna tell me what's wrong, I don't need to know;

You don't need to say anything you don't wanna say,

But say you'll let me know when you're okay & when you're low.

Cuz I wanna be with...

The guy who can't speak of love, hearts, or emotion,

But who's devotion is enough to make anybody glad to have you.

Mr 2010 captain of the rugby team; steam up my spex,

But rejects the idea of using his fame to get more chix & sex.

I wanna be with...

The guy who ain't all lovey dovey, no smushy mushy moments,

But you're golden cuz the things you say & do show me you care,

Show me you're the real deal & there ain't a thing to worry bout,

No reason for insecurity; limitlessly, you've got me hooked,

Addicted to you, it's the truth, Mr Funny & silly & sexy & cool.

I wanna be with...

The one who makes as many mistakes as I do,

Won't hold none of it against you, cuz I feel you,

I'ma take you for who you are, cuz who you are is amazing to me.

I wanna be with...

The guy I didn't think I had a chance with.

I wanna be with...

The guy I didn't believe I'd get this far with.

I wanna be with...

The guy I didn't know I'd never wanna let go of.

I wanna be with...

Somebody I said would always be mine, no matter what.

I wanna be with...

My Jaguar.

I wanna be with...

My superstar.

I wanna be with...

You!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2011

24 January 2011

4 Letters I Dread

4 Letters I Dread
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Friday 21 January 2011 [0431h]

I try to deny it, to forget it, to reject it
I try so hard to hide it, crucify it, nullify it
I need to get over it, move on from it, run away from it
Cuz you don't seem to want it or need it or believe in it
And even if you did, you're so desparate to go away
And I can't be the little girl who begs you to stay
And you don't want to be mine cuz of the distance that'll be between us
So I need to stop this madness, before I'm left crawling in the dust

It hurts so bad to let go, to say no, and to know
That I don't wna lose u - it's the truth, I'm so confused!
But I need to let you leave, let go of me, to set you free
Need to forget about my selfish wishes, Yes "Miss Messes" time to leave
The depression collision course that devides me inside me will crash
Crushed by lust, lost in thought, suffocated & burned to ash
It's time to stop refusing point blank to let you go
But it's killing me inside, outside, all sides, it's suicide to know...
... that, oh snap I'm screwed cuz,
I'm in ..EL.OH.VEE.EE..

Just forget it; screw my pride,
I love you, Goodbye!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2011
21 January 2011

With Love, from May

With Love, from May

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Friday 21 January 2011 [0343h]

Sometimes I wish I could hide behind a mask just like you;

Burry all my emotions inside and never let them loose.

Sometimes I hate that I trust and I love and I feel;

Believing life gets better once all the wounds have been healed.

Sometimes I wish that I was free from typical human nature;

The jelousy, the insecurty; still hopelessly uncured,

Cuz I always screw it up whenever these take over me,

Now I've screwed up again; what a pathetic tragidy.

Then I sit and I wallow in doubt of myself;

All the things in my mind I could say that to you I cannot tell:-

The way I can't stop thinkin' bout you day after day,

The way I wish you didn't want so bad to go away,

The way you make me smile when all I can do is cry,

The sadness that I feel everytime you say goodbye...

So much more that I could say that you probably don't want to hear;

So much I could tell you that still seems so unclear.

You keep giving me second chances that I probably don't deserve,

I keep trying to make it right, but I guess I just never learn.

Tears caress these tender cheeks before they hit the floor,

So I think it's time for me to leave before there's any more.

Just know that I am sorry for all the mistakes I seem to make;

You dont have to forgive me, so goodnight Josh! With love, from May!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2011

21 January 2011

BitterSweet

BitterSweet

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Thursday 20 January 2011 [2257h]

Life isn't always sunshine and butterflies.

Sometimes you got to learn to smile through the pain;

Sometimes you got to take that pain and make a bad situation work for you;

And sometimes you got to love that pain,

Cuz you can learn from the pain and grow from the pain and gain wisdom from the pain...

Untill the pain goes away.

Life isn't always ice-cream and marshmellows.

Sometimes you got to fight to be happy;

Sometimes you got to walk through hell to reach heaven;

And sometimes you got to lose yourself to find yourself and make yourself the best you that you can be.

Life isn't easy... And if it is, can you really say that you're living?

Fact is, you got to lose a few friends and lose a few loves,

Be used, abused, insulted, degraded and hated on,

Get your heart broken from time to time, and get backstabbed by one of your bestfriends.

Truth is, you got to work to live your dreams;

Sacrifice some blood, sweat and tears to achieve,

And never give up no matter how many times you fall - Get back up!

Same goes for love,

It's not instantanious or simultanious, you have to work to love and be loved...

And once you have it, it's hard to keep it, but keep fighting,

Cuz anything in life worth having is worth fighting for.

Actually, you have to fight for anything in life worth having,

Cuz anything worth having is never easy to find... and to keep.

So all you can do is keep doing you,

Be yourself and live with no regrets and kick life in the nutsack when it tries to bring you down.

It's okay to fall, and it's okay to stay down... for a while,

So you can heal then get right back up again to face the challenges life throws at you;

So you can love life even when life is hating on you.

So you can look yourself in the mirror everyday, smile and say:

"Hey, Life's turning out okay!"

That's what it means to be...

BitterSweet

xxx ♥ xxx

 

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2011

20 January 2011

Being Me

Being Me

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Saturday 15 January 2011 [0121h]

I'm in a desparate state of depression;

Tears rolling down my face, out of place, making my heart race...

Searchin' for answers, I can't seem to find why my mind feels so fragile;

Why all of a sudden I feel like a black hole -

The emptiness, I can't make sense of this monotonous falling into the Abyss;

Feels like depression is an incubus, relentless, making me it's prey.

The one person I wanna turn to is in his own state of misery to talk to me,

The agony of not being able to hide behind the very essence of his presence consumes me.

The need to fall asleep listening to his voice

Cuz the noise in my head grows louder without it.

It's getting stronger; making me weak, unable to speak, unable to hear and to feel,

And there's no way I'm falling asleep any other way today.

I can't tell him that I'm falling apart, torn into shards;

Not while he has his own shit to deal with -

Feelin like a misfit, being pushed away; gone is my gravity.

My superstar has been covered by the clouds;

I can't see his light shine - he aint around to save me.

But wait, what happened to Superman?

The one person I can turn to whenever I'm not one hundred percent;

My true friend, accidental left hand man, always been there from beggining to end.

Oh yeah, he's on the phone, and I know with who -

I can't interject, I won't disrespect, and affect what is to be assumed a happy conversation.

Who am I to get in the way of friend with a smile?

Juvinile is what I am, if I have to depend on a friend whenever I don't feel like me, myself and I.

So I turn to my laptop, turn it on, ignore the backdrop, and what next?

Facebook, what else? I've gotta write;

It's all I've got now that there isn't anybody in sight who might be able to save me from this empty night.

It's a little too late to say I'ma be okay, the slight delay has driven me too insane to cure my brain,

And fix my broken soul...

... Well, maybe tomorrow.

Gotta swallow my pride and put it aside and admit

That I don't have a clue why the hell I feel like hell...!

What's sad is it don't feel psychological;

Is it possible, or even logical that this mess could be medical?

I feel the physical ache, the dizziness, the numbness, the pain.

It's normal for me when depressed, in a mess, but I usually know what's causing the stress,

And it's never been this intense; it doesn't make sense.

My heart is speeding up, chest in pain, going insane, my head is numb;

I think I'll drown it in the mellow green grass when I'm done.

No mistaking, my body's aching, limbs are shaking; I'm findin it hard to type,

Hard to read, can't believe I managed to get this far while blinded by my leaking eyes,

Each breath feels tigher, sharper, more painful; making it more difficult to breathe.

I can barely see anymore, I think it's time to say goodnight, time to dream;

Time to go back to my nightmares & jolt awake before I can even fall asleep,

And that's what makes my poetry - Consider me a tragidy.

No time for livin' in fantasies; That's just reality...

Yeah, that's life being me, you see?

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2011

15 January 2011

Free

Free

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Friday 12 November 2010 (0314h)

Tears roll down these heated cheeks

Lips trembling so hard I can't speak

Chest exploding full of pain

Suffocated by invisible chains

In my head I see your face

My skin remembers your warm embrace

Trapped in my own prison of thought

Unable to escape; I keep getting caught

Caught in so much agony

Silence consumes my energy

I want to shriek out all the ache

Writhing in pain; burning at the steak

Sobbing helplessly into my pillow

Drowning in tears; the weeping willow

Takes all of me to keep from crying

The effort feels almost worse than dying

Trying desparately to force sleep to come

Hope to escape the pain, wanting to be numb

But when I finally black out to dream

Visions of pain wake me in screams

Sweating and shaking, cold in my bed

Awake again, feeling empty and dead

This nightmare scene, you'll never see

I won't let you feel guilty for doing what you need...

No, my Jaguar, be free... be free...

Go, my Jaguar, be free... Be free!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010

12 November 2010