Days of Him...
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 22 July 2010 (1217h)
Monday I feel insecure
Tuesday you surprise me
I go from pain I can't endure
To simply being happy
Wednesday if I'm feeling bad
Thursday you're so charming
The things that make me scared and sad
Now seem stupid and alarming
Friday is when I look back
And finally realize
You and I are right on track
All doubts gone from my eyes
I can't help but re-read the text
That you sent me today
That "Thought I'd say Good Morning!" text
That made me smile today
The poem that I wrote last night
Was me being insecure
Today you made my spirit light
Of that you can be sure
I guess the reason I felt that way
Is cuz my feelings might have grown
They develop more with each passing day
This, I guess, you'll never know!
~ * ~ You make me smile! (",) ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
22 July 2010
Insecure
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 22 July 2010 (0124h)
Is it just me or have things changed?
Nothing seems to feel the same
When we talk and when you're near
The vibes I'm getting aren't clear
Have you grown tired of me always around?
Do you need a break? Should I mellow down?
Am I just imagining bad things in my head;
Causing myself needless stress when I should be in bed?
What are these thoughts? Where are they from?
Am I insecure? Am I just being dumb?
What are you thinking? What's on your mind?
Why can't you tell me what you're feeling inside?
Have I lost my touch? Has the magic gone away?
Am I just afraid soon you might not want to stay?
Lately it's been difficult to get you off my mind?
What does this mean? Could this be a sign?
I find myself drowning in thoughts only of you
Memories and feelings and unanswered questions too
Please tell me everything's alright and nothing's really wrong
Tell me that I need not stress cuz your feelings aren't gone
I hope that I'm just crazy and my worries aren't true
Cuz I'm caught deeper than ever in that voodoo that you do
The magic spell you have on me hasn't gone away
So tell me it's the same with you so I can be okay...
~ * ~ Insecurity: This feeling is new to me... ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
22 July 2010
Goodbye
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 15 July 2010 (1614h)
Never thought anyone could break my heart twice
Especially after letting them go
Now I wipe away tears I never thought I'd cry
Trying to stop them but only slowing down the flow
The changes you've been going through
Had me worrying, torn and stressed
But I had to let you do what you do
And now I'm a terrible mess
Didn't think being friends could be so hard
I had no right to say much anymore
Couldn't look out for you out loud
Are these things you felt you really need explore?
And now you're leaving and I'll never see your face again
You don't really seem to care
What happened to those days you said you'd be a friend;
When you said you would always be there?
I wish I understood the things you say and do
Is there something I can't see?
I wish you'd understand me too
I'm not trying to be mean...
5months today have passed since the day my heart got broke
And almost 2months since I fully let go of you
Nearly 1month it's been since the last time I choked
I won't fail again, I hope this remains true
Guess I don't get even one final hug before you go
Like I missed one last kiss when you broke my heart
Guess I should probably let you know
I'll love you always just like I did from the start
Well you've made your decision perfectly clear
This will be the last time for you I cry
Gone are the days that you will be here
I guess this is the last Goodbye...
Love You Spanz!
♥
Without Wax,
A Friend
xxx
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
15 July 2010
Misunderstood
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Saturday 10 July 2010 (0241h)
Problems only exist when we think they are there
I overreacted and created my own nightmare
Though we did not talk much and little of you would I see
There were no real problems, they all came from me
You have your friends and I have mine too
I felt like pulling you away from yours would be rude
I did not mind and I did not care
I said hello and goodbye then suddenly disappear
I know self-expression is not your best game
I have a best friend who's exactly the same
It did not bother me, not even for a while
Yet the doubt growing in my mind often took away my smile
You never did me wrong, I do not know why I was scared
Sure you almost dumped me, but the fact is; now you're here!
I'm sorry if I worried you with all these crazy mood swings
I realized yesterday that's not how to handle things
Yesterday I was calm and happy and put away my pride
You chilled with your friends and I with mine, having fun outside
I felt a sudden comfort I never used to have with you
That's when I realized I could relax with what I say and do
Yesterday it was proven that you and I can work
As long as I stop being stupid and stop seeing things at their worst
I'm so glad I have found the truth; I'm glad that I was wrong!
No more sadness, no more fear; For us I will be strong!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
10 July 2010
One Month
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 8 July 2010 (0853h)
Is it just me? Am I just Afraid?
Why do I feel like he's slipping away?
What is he thinking? What's on his mind?
Why am I feeling lots of doubt in his vibe?
Does he doubt himself or does he doubt me?
What's the reason behind almost setting me free?
What makes him happy? What must I do?
Conversations are empty; This much is true.
I fear he'll get bored cuz often we don't speak,
I fear his doubts grow strong and my arguments weak.
Communication is low, that I know well;
If he's upset he keeps it bottled, if he's worried he won't tell.
This is the reason he gave for almost leaving:
He's afraid he will hurt me and in the end leave me grieving.
This is untrue, cuz in him I can trust
Though if he tires of me, I'll let him do what he must
I hope he knows he can trust me to tell me what's up,
And believe that he can be comfortable enough to seek my touch.
If he is worried or angry or sad,
I hope he can share with me times of good and of bad.
I'll be here for him like he says he's here for me
I just want him to tell me if something in him disagrees
Tell me when I'm wrong and tell me when I'm right
Until you say you want me gone, for you I'm going to fight.
~ * ~ It's gonna be different this time ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
8 July 2010
Unasleep
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Wednesday 7 July 2010 (0024h)
I feel restless and I can't fall asleep
Stormy and cluttered thoughts make home in me
I do not know why I'm unable to rest
I lie here feeling like my mind's in too much a mess
Traces of sorrow and traces of doubt
They threaten to squash the joy I just found
Am I so useless and so void of worth?
Is he really just afraid that I will get hurt?
Why can't I chill; Why can't I be calm?
What happened to me? My confidence is gone
Him I don't blame; If I did, myself I'd hate
For him I'm willing to patiently wait
He don't have to worry, he don't have to change
He might think I'm stupid, he might think I'm strange
But till the day he tires of being with me
He don't have to worry bout setting me free
Does he want me as much as I want him?
Does he know that everyday in my mind he swims?
Will he ever know why I look in his eyes?
Does he know my often distant self is just a disguise?
I can't stop wishing I could read his mind
I want to know what to do to make him smile
I feel like I'm losing the one I just found
Please stay for a while; Please for now stick around...
~ * ~ Give us one more chance ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
7 July 2010
Wild Cat
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Monday 5 July 2010 (0907h)
Mighty is he in the Jungle
Strong and respected is he
Outside the Jungle he's silent
To all, he's a mystery
Sometimes he comes, sometimes he strays
His is a spirit so free
Independent and alone he's often found
His thoughts unknown to me
I often sit and watch him hunt
The others of his kind in the back
Training the cubs to be strong and proud
He is the leader of his pack
Though I dwell in his Jungle often
And little of him do I see
A stay patient and wait for him to approach
Cuz the waiting is worth it to me
When the time is come and he is here
I rest by him in comfort and bliss
His eyes so deep, his smile so unique
There's no more in the world for which I'll wish
As different as we are from each other
I feel special because he chose me
I'm just a wild Tigress; not very great
But in his eyes, a beauty...
~*~ Mi Jaguar!!! ~*~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
5 July 2010
-- [ Okay, this poem would be difficult to understand for anyone who isn't a student at my school. It's poem a wrote about the guy I'm currently dating, Joshua Makanya, who doesn't even know I've written any of these poems bout him. LoL. We're in Form 6 (AS Level Students) at Livingstone K College (It's a High School in Gaborone Botswana) and he's the captain of the school's rugby team, The LKC Jaguars. It's basically the only sports team in the school that has any respect, in fact the Jaguars are basically the entire spirit of LKC. But I'm going out of topic now... Basically, he's really popular even though he really hates attention and is really quiet and I'm not so much (Okay, I know alota people cuz I'm really social and friendly but until Josh, I wasn't exactly much of a part of the Form 6 class) so it rox that he's actually with me. So yeah, this information should help with understanding the poem now. LoL ] --
