I'm Sorry

I'm sorry;
If I ever made you feel bad,
My Emotions get the best of me... I'm only human
I'm sorry;
If I never do anything right,
I can't be the perfect you want me to be
I'm sorry;
If I ever made you feel Unneeded,
I'm afraid you'll think I'm being Clingy
I'm sorry;
If I ever overreacted,
I'ma girl, I don't mean to, but there's not much i can do to help it
I'm sorry;
If I've ever insulted you,
I can't help bein me, I can't help being mean
I'm sorry;
If I've ever called you heartless,
I'm Heartless for even thinking it
I'm sorry;
If I hurt you,
Baby i swear that poem wasnt mine
I'm sorry;
If I called you a jerk,
I was being a Jerk... But everyone's a jerk sometime's right?
I'm sorry;
If I Never Listen,
I can't help that I'm stubborn
I'm sorry;
If I've ever done you wrong,
I'm still only just a stupid kid
I'm sorry;
If I've ever made you look bad,
I don't mean to, but sometimes it just comes out
I'm sorry;
If I'm clingy,
That's why I don't trip when u choose your boys over me
I'm sorry;
If I'm assuming things AGAIN,
I don't mean to, I just want to understand
I'm sorry;
For thinking you don't care,
I'm only fearing the worst, cuz I'm afraid of being let down by my own expectations
I'm sorry;
For talking bout shit I know nothing about,
I was only joking, I forgot how dumb I am & wrote it down in haste
I'm sorry;
For bein such an ass,
Sometimes thats just how i am
I'm sorry;
For being so ignorant,
I'm only pretending. Rly, I'm watching you, hoping you'll come back
I'm sorry;
If I care too much,
I can't help it, it's my instinct to care
I'm sorry;
If I ever said anything bad about something you love,
I've only ever wanted to show you that i care
I'm sorry;
If I care about your future,
Even though I know I have no place in it, that's just too far away
I'm sorry;
If I want you to realise that you're so much better than you show,
You have so much potencial to be so great, But it's not my place to judge.
I'm sorry;
If you think I'm wrong,
I'm not pushing my views, I'm just saying how I feel
I'm sorry;
If I sound like I'm trying to make you listen,
I'm not, I swear, I'm just speaking my mind for once
I'm sorry;
But I never tried to change you,
I like you for you and I accept you carefree lifestyle, evn thou mine is completely inversed
I'm sorry;
If you cant accept the way i live, the way i am,
I'm not here to win your affection
I'm sorry;
If i'v ever changed myself for you,
You have to llike me for me, not for the way i look
I'm sorry;
That you thought I was worth it,
Guess now u know I'm not, huh
I'm sorry;
That I can't speak my mind to you,
Even when you hurt me... or do something wrong
I'm sorry;
For Everything that's ever made you think I'm not right,
I never forced you to like me, thou I really hope you do
I'm sorry;
That I'm crying,
But I can't not when i feel so bad
I'm sorry;
For writing this,
But i had alot to say
I'm sorry;
For Making so many mistakes,
Thou sometimes I don't know what they are
I'm sorry;
For saying sorry,
It seems its the only thing i ever do
I'm sorry;
For wasting so much of your time by having you read this,
But there's something you need to know
I'm sorry;
For What I'm about to say,
Cuz there's the biggest chance in the world you don't feel the same
I'm sorry;
But I have to say this now,
Even if you run away
I'm sorry;
If this freaks you out
So...
I'm sorry;
But I think I Love You...
I'm sorry;
So... Goodbye!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
23 March 2009

I'm Sorry for Everything... If ever I've done Anything...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfUKP8sZu7o

Goodbye
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Sunday 8 March 2009 (1959h)

I'm sorry if it seems
I'm clinging to same old facts
Same old story
Same old act

But I have to say
What I have to say
Get rid of this heavy load
Time to live for today

I leave you a message
I figure it's worth a try
Guess I'm always wrong
Cuz there's never a reply

I'm sorry if you feel
That I did something wrong
But I don't know what I did
For you to ignore me for so long

I'm not trying to redeem myself
As anything more than ur friend
But this distancing you're causing
Is more than I can comprehend

When we were young I promised
I'd do all to keep your smile alive
I kept that oath and let you go
Cuz I thought our friendship would atleast survive

But then my girls started beefin' witchu
And I wasn't there when it went down
I know that it hurt you cuz you did what you could
But I swear I defended you when I found out

I told them off for screamin at you
When you really didn't derserve that at all
They were just abit mad, please understand
Cuz after that, we all felt 2inches tall

Your distancing just continued
Till you weren't the same as before
We spoke but we spoke as though we were never friends at all
As though we had just met, and nothing more

As you moved further away, your boys treated me closer
As though I was now one of them
I was glad cuz I tought they were totally awsome
And kept me close to an amazing old friend

The days kept passing and I decided to move on
It was obvious you weren't gonna come around
One more friend lost, one more depressing thought
Another bond burned down to the ground

I was happy for you when you found a new partner
But something still made me feel shook
Back then you used to tell me everything and in detail
Bt now, nothing, I found out from facebook!

I thought of those days when we were still kids
When you used to prank me till I cried
Then of when the teenage years brought us back, reunited
And we talked all day long, side by side

You told me all your feeelings and thoughts and dreams
Your grief for the lady you still loved
Your happiness your sorrow and even more; your trust
I was so thankful for this friend from above

But now I hear nada, not even a hello
It saddens me when I think how it's changed
But I guess now, I'll just have to deal with tomorrow
With this new lifestyle, so rearanged

I miss you my angel, I don't wnna say goodbye
But so sadly, it seems that i must
Have a wonderful life, I hope you get by
Now I step back, and let our bonds rust

Goodbye my brother, my very bestfriend
I know that you know who you are
Just know that I'm still here, Your sister till the end
Looking up at the same moon, same stars...

With all my love and trust...
Without wax,
A Friend!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
8 March 2009

Pieces of the Puzzle

Pieces of the Puzzle
Thursday 12 February 2009 (1146h)
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Pieces of the puzzle
They don't seem to fit
Causing confusion
Hit after painful hit

The pieces if my puzzle
They trouble me so
I think I'll leave this for now
Try to solve it tomorrow

This puzzle, it taunts me
It's laughing in my face
It's trying to destroy me
Tryna make me lose this race

Day after day, night after night
This puzzle's got me screamin'
I leave it for the next day
Still it stops me from dreamin'

This puzzle, I hate it
It's causing too much hurt
So the puzzle, it's gone now
I threw it in the dirt

To get rid of crazy problems
Is more or less the same
Forget them and be happy
Or you'll lose out on the game

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
12 February 2009

Choice

Choice
Wednesday 11 February 2009 (1427h)
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Made a choice
I'm not going back
The past is the past
There's no changing that

I've made a choice
And it's over with him now
I told him just yesterday
That it wasn't working out

I feel really bad
Cuz at school I kept him secret
The whole school thought we'd broken up
Truth be told, I couldn't do it

But now the task is done
And I'm not tied down no more
Free to like my school crush with no guilt
And find a way to close the door

I feel bad I didn't tell him
That I wasn't really free
When I asked if he would like
To come to the school ball with me

But now I've made a choice.
I chose to let life flow, use my voice.
I chose to not look down, look up, rejoice!
The choice I made, I hope it's the right choice...

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
11 February 2009

A Message of Thanx

I'm Losing It!!!But Hey...! ;)
Saturday 7 February 2009 (2353h)
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

I can't stop thinking
And I'm going insane;
I can't sleep
Cuz there's too much in my brain.

Worried bout form 5
But crushing on this guy;
He's in my school
And we hang out all the time.

But I have a boyfriend
And it's just not working out;
For a month, it hasn't been the same
And we've had nothing to talk about.

I can't forget to mention
My bestfriend who be my ex;
It seems his friendship's slipping away
And I don't know what to do next.

The wierd thing is:- I'm happy
But my mind won't let me rest;
I'm up all night
Cuz of these thoughts I'm starting to detest.

There's not much I can say
But I think I should explain;
How some thoughts keep me happy
And how others cause me pain.

My ex is in the past
But I keep thinking 'bout the break-up,
And how it quickly turned our friendship
Into nothing more than grey dust.

Sometimes I cry at night
Cus of the loss of a friendship so dear,
And the memories of those happy days
Often make me shed a tear.

As for my current
I'm just too proud to break it off just yet,
He's really sweet but I can't keep stalling
Or I might one day regret.

Some friends say I should end it,
Some say that I should wait,
And others question
Why I had accepted anyway.

Straying from confusion
To the thoughts that keep my smile;
My crush, I see him everyday
And I knew him as a child.

He's funny, sweet & different
And, wow, can he beat-box great,
He's great to chill with and lots of fun
So often I get to class real late.

Past, present and future
Time cannot tell,
It throws us many challenges
We end up calling Hell.

But I realise a life with no challenge
Is just no life at all,
We can only do the best we can
And get up everytime we fall.

These horrors put before me
Are there to help me grow,
So I won't complain, I won't give up
What lies ahead, no one knows.

The problems of one teenager
Don't amount to much in our crazy world,
But all we can do is work hand in hand
Every boy and every girl.

So the world can be a better place
We help each other out;
Friends are there for a reason, that's why I'n not screamin'
Through all this pain and doubt.

So now I just wanna thank all my friends
And I really don't know where to start,
But they stayed with me from beginning to end
So thanks guys, from the bottom of my heart!

"I Love You Guyz!"

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
7 February 2009

Inspired to be Inspired

Inspired to be Inspired
Tuesday 27 January 2009 (1237h)
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

All of us search for inspiration
A question or answer or clue
To be inspired to inspire all
In what we write or say or do

Inspiration for a poem
Or a beautiful piece of art
Or to be inspired to carry on
After almost losing heart

Inspiration for a song
Or a piece of Hip-hop Magic
Or inspiration to get right back up
After experiencing something tragic

Inspiration for inspiration's sake
Inspiration for exposure
Inspiration to inspire more
Or inspired to seek closure

When it seems the world is moving too fast
Inspiration stops it in its tracks
It brings clarity and faith and hope
To bring confidence and security back

All who look to inspiration
Are looking the right direction
So if you're down or need to speak up
Inspiration ought be your affection.

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
27 January 2009

My Last Confession

My Last Confession!!!
Monday 26 January 2009 (1416h)
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Timezones now and time spent then
Heart seeks where, Heart seeks when
True love lost then new love found
Happiness persued after losing ground

New beginnings, a broken heart to mend
From losing a lover who once was a friend
Sorrow decreasing but heartache lingers still
A blackhole left wide open to slowly refill

Depression not far, but joy patiently waiting
Sleepless nights from the nightmares my mind keeps creating
A captive I've become, My captor: Unaware
He doesn't know my heart's still trapped within his crystal stare

Aware of the cold drama; A secret wish within
To talk to this captor of the friendship growing thin
Ten years; A lifelong friendship, Destroyed in one harsh blow
No longer grieving the loss of a lover, but missing a bestfriend so

Secretly awaiting the day all this I can say
Secretly hoping all the tears have gone away
To move on, as he wants me to, is not to hard a task
I simply need to speak my mind, might he listen is all I ask

But this confession be not one way
I ask for him to have his say
So all the cards are laid down on the table
Thus a true friendship be once more enabled.

"I miss the good old days!"

xoxoxoxox

Strong Friendships always survive...?

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
26 January 2009

Who Am I?

Who Am I?
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 22 January 2009 (1041h)

Who am I really?
Am i just a reflectionof what people make me out to be?
Inside me, I know that can't be true,
For that is my worst nightmare.
So who am I?
Am I a projection of what the world wants me to be?
No. That cannot be.
Otherwise, would i be happy with who i turn out to be?
So then... Who am I?
Who am I to want the best for myself?
Who am I to want a great life to live?
Who am I to be different,
Or call myself special?
Who am I to make my own choices,
Or not to do what i don't want to?
Who am I to think my decisions matter?
Who am I to believe that my desitiny is what I make it,
And not what the forces of the universe make it?
Who am I to decide my own fate?
Who am I to be my own person?
Then again... Who am I not to do any of the above?
Who am I not to be any of the above?
Who am I???
I am anyone I can be,
Anyone I want to be,
Anyone I choose to be!
Who am I!?
I am Meg!
I am Me!
I am... Who I am!!!

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
22 January 2009