The more i find out, the more i secretly hate you.
I don't want to, because you've meant so much to me.
But sometimes the truth i hear about you is just too much.
I thought i knew you... I thought i could trust you...
Right now I'm shaking so dam hard wit fear of whats going through my mind.
Iv had enough of trusting someone who refuses to tell me the truth.
You think I'm weak? That i can't handle the truth!?
Well you're Wrong!
wrong about me! wrong about everything!
Trusting you was probably the worst thing i ever could have done.
But i did. and I'm sorry for it!
Several times, I've missed the keys on the keyboard i was aiming for.
Iv had to erase my words so many times.
But i wish i could erase my memory instead.
All memories of you I've ever had!
I trusted you! i trusted you with more than my life!
With my soul! with my everything!
Turns out i cant trust you for shit!!!
The truth will set you free... more importantly it'll set ME free!!!
So stop being such a freaking coward and tell me!
Tell me EVERYTHING before i completely stop wanting to even talk to you at all!!!
You say I'm your friend, and yet you wont LET me BE a friend!
No! Too long I've suffered because of you!
Too long have i been trapped under a web of stress!
I'm NOT gonna be your fool anymore!
Its MY time now so move over!
I want so bad to just be your friend but it looks like you don't want me as one!
I thought we were close. I thought you were worth my time and friendship!
But seemingly you never wanted it at all... so why bother anymore.
I loved you friend, as i love all my friends i keep in my heart!
but now you've driven me to something i have NEVER felt towards any1 before!
HATRED! DISGUST! BITTERNESS! DISTRUST!
You make me sick! sick to my stomach!
I'm sorry that you feel you can't trust me to be strong enough!
Sorry that i ever thought of you as a special friend.
I feel betrayed. Untrusted. Hurt. Demoralised. COMPLETELY DEFEATED!
But not anymore! I will NOT let YOU be the one to destroy my life!
NOT when there's so much more ahead of me!
NOT when i deserve so much better than this!
Not now, not ever! I let you destroy me, take me down piece by piece.
But that's because i cared about you.
Well i can see you no longer seem to want me to, so i wont!
After everything i did for you, after everything you've done for me?
This is what happens??? You keep secrets?
You leave me in the dark to find out from somebody else!?
Its not the things i hear that make me feel like I've been slapped in the face...
Well... yea it is i guess but i can get ova that!!!
What i cant get ova, What makes me feel like Ive been stabbed in the back a million and one times...
The fact that its not YOU telling me these painful things!
If it were, I'm sure they'd be a lot less painful...
But it wasn't... not even... u think I'm too weak, that i cant handle it!
Well no! i don't care what you think anymore!!!
I'm sorry i ever thought you trusted me...
When you told me you thought i was strong, that i was better than this,
You were lying!!!
You would never keep these things from me if you thought i was strong!
I thought i knew you! Turns out i don't know the first thing about you for shit!
You USED to be the one who gave me comfort when i was down...
now? now when i look at you, i feel my head spin.
My anger rises and all i wanna do is smash the closest thing i can get my hands on!!!
ARGHHH!!!
Sometimes you just make me so mad!!!
Well I'm not gonna be your fool anymore!!!
I'm sorry but I'm sick of everything you've put me through...
I'm sick of you!!!
So I'm saying goodbye!!!
Goodbye to you, goodbye to your distrust and deceit...
Once and for all...
Goodbye!!!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2008
23 August 2008
