LiFe tHrouGh thE eYe$ of Baby May: 2010

Thursday 11 November 2010

Free

Free

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Friday 12 November 2010 (0314h)

Tears roll down these heated cheeks

Lips trembling so hard I can't speak

Chest exploding full of pain

Suffocated by invisible chains

In my head I see your face

My skin remembers your warm embrace

Trapped in my own prison of thought

Unable to escape; I keep getting caught

Caught in so much agony

Silence consumes my energy

I want to shriek out all the ache

Writhing in pain; burning at the steak

Sobbing helplessly into my pillow

Drowning in tears; the weeping willow

Takes all of me to keep from crying

The effort feels almost worse than dying

Trying desparately to force sleep to come

Hope to escape the pain, wanting to be numb

But when I finally black out to dream

Visions of pain wake me in screams

Sweating and shaking, cold in my bed

Awake again, feeling empty and dead

This nightmare scene, you'll never see

I won't let you feel guilty for doing what you need...

No, my Jaguar, be free... be free...

Go, my Jaguar, be free... Be free!

12 November 2010

Friday 30 July 2010

My Cell4ne Poem

143??? Can't be...!

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Saturday 31 July 2010 (0221h)

I gta admit, u gatz me surprized

I dint think Id end up ths deep

Its strange 2suddenli realize

Ur e reasn I cnt get ani sleep

Ur on mi mind all dei & nyt

Uv got me under ur spell

I c u evn wen ur outa syt

Bt all ths am afraid 2tell

I think its tym I let u knw

E things I kip 2miself

E feelinz I kip within mi soul

E secretz I hyd xo well

1dei soon, I'l tell u all

Bt Ima need uu nt 2freak

I myt end up feelin rly small

&nt luk @u wen I speak

These r e feelinz I try 2hyd frm u

Bt Im nt quite sure if uv guessd

Mayb uv been able 2c ryt thru

Or mayb Iv js made a mess

I rly wna tell u bt Im still afraid

Dt I'l end up scarin u awei

Cz I broke e promis, 2miself, I made

&fell hard @e end of e dei

Hmm... I think mayb Iv left u cnfused

If xo, js ax & I'l xlain

I dnt rly hav anithing left 2lose

&nt rly much left 2gain

Well, 1 last thing I gta sei

1 last word 4u

"U rly are smthin special, Jay!"

This, I swear, is true!

31 July 2010

Thursday 22 July 2010

Days of Him...
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 22 July 2010 (1217h)

Monday I feel insecure
Tuesday you surprise me
I go from pain I can't endure
To simply being happy

Wednesday if I'm feeling bad
Thursday you're so charming
The things that make me scared and sad
Now seem stupid and alarming

Friday is when I look back
And finally realize
You and I are right on track
All doubts gone from my eyes

I can't help but re-read the text
That you sent me today
That "Thought I'd say Good Morning!" text
That made me smile today

The poem that I wrote last night
Was me being insecure
Today you made my spirit light
Of that you can be sure

I guess the reason I felt that way
Is cuz my feelings might have grown
They develop more with each passing day
This, I guess, you'll never know!

~ * ~ You make me smile! (",) ~ * ~

Wednesday 21 July 2010

Insecure

Insecure
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 22 July 2010 (0124h)

Is it just me or have things changed?
Nothing seems to feel the same
When we talk and when you're near
The vibes I'm getting aren't clear

Have you grown tired of me always around?
Do you need a break? Should I mellow down?
Am I just imagining bad things in my head;
Causing myself needless stress when I should be in bed?

What are these thoughts? Where are they from?
Am I insecure? Am I just being dumb?
What are you thinking? What's on your mind?
Why can't you tell me what you're feeling inside?

Have I lost my touch? Has the magic gone away?
Am I just afraid soon you might not want to stay?
Lately it's been difficult to get you off my mind?
What does this mean? Could this be a sign?

I find myself drowning in thoughts only of you
Memories and feelings and unanswered questions too
Please tell me everything's alright and nothing's really wrong
Tell me that I need not stress cuz your feelings aren't gone

I hope that I'm just crazy and my worries aren't true
Cuz I'm caught deeper than ever in that voodoo that you do
The magic spell you have on me hasn't gone away
So tell me it's the same with you so I can be okay...

~ * ~ Insecurity: This feeling is new to me... ~ * ~

Thursday 15 July 2010

Goodbye

Goodbye
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 15 July 2010 (1614h)

Never thought anyone could break my heart twice
Especially after letting them go
Now I wipe away tears I never thought I'd cry
Trying to stop them but only slowing down the flow

The changes you've been going through
Had me worrying, torn and stressed
But I had to let you do what you do
And now I'm a terrible mess

Didn't think being friends could be so hard
I had no right to say much anymore
Couldn't look out for you out loud
Are these things you felt you really need explore?

And now you're leaving and I'll never see your face again
You don't really seem to care
What happened to those days you said you'd be a friend;
When you said you would always be there?

I wish I understood the things you say and do
Is there something I can't see?
I wish you'd understand me too
I'm not trying to be mean...

5months today have passed since the day my heart got broke
And almost 2months since I fully let go of you
Nearly 1month it's been since the last time I choked
I won't fail again, I hope this remains true

Guess I don't get even one final hug before you go
Like I missed one last kiss when you broke my heart
Guess I should probably let you know
I'll love you always just like I did from the start

Well you've made your decision perfectly clear
This will be the last time for you I cry
Gone are the days that you will be here
I guess this is the last Goodbye...

Love You Spanz!
♥
Without Wax,
A Friend
xxx

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
15 July 2010

Friday 9 July 2010

Misunderstood

Misunderstood
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Saturday 10 July 2010 (0241h)

Problems only exist when we think they are there
I overreacted and created my own nightmare
Though we did not talk much and little of you would I see
There were no real problems, they all came from me

You have your friends and I have mine too
I felt like pulling you away from yours would be rude
I did not mind and I did not care
I said hello and goodbye then suddenly disappear

I know self-expression is not your best game
I have a best friend who's exactly the same
It did not bother me, not even for a while
Yet the doubt growing in my mind often took away my smile

You never did me wrong, I do not know why I was scared
Sure you almost dumped me, but the fact is; now you're here!
I'm sorry if I worried you with all these crazy mood swings
I realized yesterday that's not how to handle things

Yesterday I was calm and happy and put away my pride
You chilled with your friends and I with mine, having fun outside
I felt a sudden comfort I never used to have with you
That's when I realized I could relax with what I say and do

Yesterday it was proven that you and I can work
As long as I stop being stupid and stop seeing things at their worst
I'm so glad I have found the truth; I'm glad that I was wrong!
No more sadness, no more fear; For us I will be strong!

Wednesday 7 July 2010

One Month

One Month
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 8 July 2010 (0853h)

Is it just me? Am I just Afraid?
Why do I feel like he's slipping away?
What is he thinking? What's on his mind?
Why am I feeling lots of doubt in his vibe?

Does he doubt himself or does he doubt me?
What's the reason behind almost setting me free?
What makes him happy? What must I do?
Conversations are empty; This much is true.

I fear he'll get bored cuz often we don't speak,
I fear his doubts grow strong and my arguments weak.
Communication is low, that I know well;
If he's upset he keeps it bottled, if he's worried he won't tell.

This is the reason he gave for almost leaving:
He's afraid he will hurt me and in the end leave me grieving.
This is untrue, cuz in him I can trust
Though if he tires of me, I'll let him do what he must

I hope he knows he can trust me to tell me what's up,
And believe that he can be comfortable enough to seek my touch.
If he is worried or angry or sad,
I hope he can share with me times of good and of bad.

I'll be here for him like he says he's here for me
I just want him to tell me if something in him disagrees
Tell me when I'm wrong and tell me when I'm right
Until you say you want me gone, for you I'm going to fight.

~ * ~ It's gonna be different this time ~ * ~

LiFe tHrouGh thE eYe$ of Baby May