Who am I?
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 31 December 2009 (1836h)
Who am I now that society has phased me?
Who am I now that past actions are affecting me?
Who am I when who I thot I am exsists in my own world?
Who am I when I dont even control how the world will see me?
Who am I when all I wna do is die?
Who am I when the world misunderstands me?
Who am I on the worst day of my life?
Who am I today? Who am I to stay?
Who am I suposed to be when all I do is fall?
Who am I when who I am isnt me at all?
Who am I when all I am is me?
Who am I when who I am isnt who you see?
Who am I when who I love is pinned against me?
Misunderstands me and fights me untill I don't belive I'm me!
Who am I to be alive when he i love wont love me?
Who am I when he dont wna keep the promise that he made me?
Who am I when I mess up and make fucked up mistakes?
Who am I when Im just being human but the world thinks I'm a fake?
Who I am if I wna be me but the world thinks I should be someone else?
Who am I if I have to change to please everyone but myself?
Who am I, just who am I if I cannot be me?
Who am I if who I am don't want me to be free?
Who am I to be who I am when who I am is foolish?
Who am I, just who am I...?
Please... Somebody... Tell me!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009
31 December 2009
Thoughts of a Young Found Teenager
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 8 December 2009 (0213h)
Have you ever really appreciated what you have?
Have you ever really cried with tears of sincere joy?
Have you ever really marvelled in the small things?
Have you ever really smiled when friend lends a hand?
This weekend YFC had a conference;
"Activate! Luke 15:18 - I will get up and go to my Father."
I realised so many things,
It was a weekend I'll never forget.
I learned from my friends and they learned from me,
We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed... Together.
I bonded with some people I met but never knew.
I made some decisions for my life to change,
I made a decision to follow God with all my heart... and not just half way.
I realised that I had lost my way... This weekend I was found again.
I spent time with people I hadn't seen in spans.
Some of them helped by giving me advice I didn't ask for;
Others simply by being there for me, just being there wholely.
We listened to a talk I that made me feel like it was God's will for me to be there.
It was called "Lost in the Darkness".
I managed to relate to everything that was said for the 1st time since I joined YFC.
I sang my heart out during the worships.
It had been 2years since my last worship.
I felt the spirit in me, I felt the connection with God again.
The next day my team won the volleyball tourniment.
We swam, we had a water balloon war, we enjoyed the day of fun.
The next talk was "Activate"
We wrote down the things keeping us away from God and put them in a box to be burned.
We wrote down what we would do to change them.
When it was time to be prayed over, I didn't want to go.
I went and when I was being prayed for, tears caressed my cheeks...
My emotions took hold and reminded me I'm here for God.
An old friend reminded me he was there if I needed a friend to talk to.
We spent lots of time together like we used to back in the day.
He reminded me how much life I still have ahead of me...
The next and last day of the conference was the third and final talk;
"Home is Heaven", after which 4 people were picked to share their experience at the conference.
Two had never been to a conference before. This was their first.
Two others had been to conferences before, I was one of them.
During my sharing I realised how YFC is like a home to me.
And the people I met in it are my Family.
I talked about how this year had separated me from God,
And how the conference and the people in it brought me back to him.
I talked about my friends who really helped me that weekend.
I began to cry with both joy and pure emotion of being found again.
When it was time to leave, none of us wanted to go, but had to...
I said goodbye to my friends and tears started to fall on all our faces;
Tears of joy because of our close family bonds,
And tears of sadness because of having to leave...
We all promised eachother we'd keep in touch,
And stay faithfull to God.
Now my life takes a complete 180 turn,
Hopefully, those I care for come with me and do not despise me for the decisions I'm about to make.
These are but mere words...
Because there are no words that can truely express;
the Thoughts of a Young Found Teenager!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009
8 December 2009
