The High-Wire
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Tuesday 16 February 2010 (1042h)
So suddenly the high-wire I walk on was pulled from under my feet
Without warning
I fell down to the cold hard ground
There was no safety net to catch me
From the second I began to walk that high-wire
I knew there would be no net
It was the risk I was willing to take
I trusted the high-wire to hold me up
But it wasn't enough
I forgot to trust myself
I messed up;
Put too much pressure on the wire
It became too strained
It couldn't take the burden of carrying me anymore
I could not see - I did not notice - I was stupid
Without any warning, It snapped; It broke
I was caught by surprise and fell to the ground
There was no more time or hope to ready myself for the impact
The last thing I heard was the screaming crowd
The last thing I remember doing was crying as reality tore at me
I felt the air being taken from my lungs
I felt as though I had been struck in the chest with a sword
Impact!
Now all is silent, I can hear nothing but my own thoughts
All is dark, I can see nothing but my own pain
I can feel nothing but the cold ground
I am paralyzed
I open my eyes and see that the high-wire is gone
It cannot be fixed anymore
Suddenly I realize that all along there had been people beside me
Their faces; familiar and warm
The pick me up and carry me after my fall
They stay with me until I am better again
When that will be, I don't know
But they assure me the day will come
I hope they are right
Because for the time being, I don't believe such a time will exist
They try to heal my wounds
I have no strength but I realize they offer their strength to me
Hoping to keep me on my feet
I feel as though I am a burden to them
Still they stay
My friends -
Thank You...!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
16 February 2010
Words of a Broken Heart
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Tuesday 16 February 2010 (0706h)
Drowning in a pool of my own tears
I fear my thoughts, My dreams, Everything in me
The sharp pain in my heart feels like a knife wound
It wont heal;
It just continues to re-open when I ask it to leave
Heartache fills my empty vessel of a body
While my mind and soul wonder the skies
Searching for an escape from this new empty life
My light is gone;
It's disappeared
I feel cold but my emotions refuse to remain frozen
I try to hide the sadness within
People bombard me with questions
They try to find out what is wrong
But all I can do is shrug and walk away
My energy is drained and my senses are weak
Everything is a blur as my mind travels far from my body
All around me, I see only darkness
It's swallowing me up and I don't have the strength to fight back
Feeling weak and abandoned
I try to stand on my own two feet
For so long I have depended on my life's light to guide me
My legs tremble beneath me and I fall back to the ground
This man in front of me tries to speak chemistry
But as my hollow body watches the teachers lips move
I hear nothing but painful silence pounding at my ears
My head is throbbing and writhing in pain
From the clutter of thoughts swirling in my skull
School and life goes on around me
But my own world stands still
And reality becomes non-existent
I took this light for granted and this is how I pay
It warmed me and soothes me and kept me strong
Now I am tired and cold, unable to move a muscle
Always and forever has always been just a dream
My dream is shattered
My heart is shattered
My life comes apart
My tears hit the ground
All I held dear has now ripped itself from my grip
And I can't do anything but run out of tears
Running out of tears, I hoped the crying would stop
But I continue to cry as blood from my eyes caresses my face
I begged for mercy;
For the light not to leave
But it will not tolerate my incompetence anymore
I plead and I cry cuz I don't want to lose it
But it is too late
It's mind is made up
It is my time to suffer
It is not it's fault
This doing is my own
I feel like I am dying and being alive is too painful;
I do not fight it
I do not know how to cause myself harm
It is not part of me
I only know that my heart has been ripped out
And without it, I now suffer a slow, harsh, painful death
Now my light has faded away completely
And there is nothing I can do
All I can hope is that it finds the happiness I'll never have
And keep my tears a secret when it finds someone else to warm
The light I need is gone
It tells me to be strong
I want to but I can't
Still I promise I will try
So I guess this is goodbye...
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
16 February 2010
