The day after our 8th month together, me & my bf Ash, were fighting for probably the hundreth time that week after having made a deal several times in the past that we'd stop fighting. Reduced to tears we stopped talking and went home. Later that day after cooling down abit, Ash sent me an I.M.
Ash: *Logs On*
May: *Logs On*
Ash: Cnt we jst stop ths all
May: we've tryd several tyms. we keep sayin we will.
bt life on earth dznt seem to permit tht. nd i dnt only mean wit us. i mean everywer every1.
we cud try agen nd hope the term "wen u fall off get ryt bak up. keep tryin till u succeed" applies.
or we cud giv in to it. nd personally i dnt like tht option very much id rather keep fallin off the dam horse everytym i get bak on it
Ash: im reli sick of ths nd i dt thik i cn carry on cause face it wit each fight we move furtur nd furtur apart
May: maybe. bt i dnt feel lyk givin up nw...
fact is, relationships jus arent smooth sailing.
nd sm ppl jus dnt survive it; cnt take it. nd we cnt take it either; true.
bt the diffrence is we havnt given up yet... well i havnt. hav u?
Ash: i havent bt 2be honest im on the breakn point
May: u knw, thts a gud thing.
Ash: How could you say that? Don't you love me anymore?
May: ovcors I love you! r u crazy? I always will.
Ash: thn hw cud u say tht?
May: Wud u let me finish?
Ash: Fine...
May: i jus meant... it means tht soon we wont fyt anymore.
Ash: well yea, we would hav broken up
May: not wat i meant
Ash: explain
May: ok... the way i've
seen it, from what i've observed frm my frnds nd every1 else around me, every relationship goes thru a whole shitload of crappy obstacles; pushin nd pushin till u cnt take it nymore. Breakin point.
90% of th ppl giv in long b4 tht; they break up.
5% giv up at their breakin point.
the rest of the lucky bastards hold on past breaking point hoping the painful stormy waters will pass.
nd once uv survived past breakin point, everything becomes calm.
now all we can do is w8 nd see if we cn survive tht long.
the only problem is... nobody really knows wen their breakin point truely is.
Ash: ...
May: frankly, we're still really young nd tht jus means a hell lot more trouble thn we bargaind for.
cuz nothin worth fyting for comes on a silver platter. u tought me tht.
cuz to be honest, i'd fight for you till the world ends and im on my deathbed
nd id sooner cry blood thn giv up on u
Ash: ...
May: yea, yea, i knw stop talking. sorry
Ash: dnt stop ths time...
May: huh? wow. confused
cuz all iv done is make things a whole lot more complicated thn ever
nd wenever i do tht, u tell me to stop talkin
Ash: well this time, u make it worth while
May: hahaha ok, lemme jus get to the point
nd the point is i knw we fyt alot... ok ALOT!!
bt i'l stay wit u thru all of it untill u tell me not to.... and i love you
nd i will love you always.... no matter wot
Ash: i love u 2
May: gud, cuz ur gna need to thru all th shit life's gna throw in our faces.
i'l need you to tell me wen to duck. im blind as a bat. haha
Ash: hahaha ok i will... Thanks. I love you
May: :) But ovorse. I love you too. Gudnyt <3
Ash: Goodnyt
May: *Logs Off*
Ash: *Logs Off*
Personally, I believe I was right (even though I wasn't really trying to be. I just wanted him to know what I though)... What do you think?
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009
30 November 2009
Update: Of-course, he ended up forgetting all this and dumped me on the 15th of February 2010, after a fight we had on valentine's day. And true to form, after running out of water in my body due to 3weeks of crying without stopping, I cried blood. Literally. Ash ended up dating a girl named "Pixie" a few days after he dumped me. Talk about moving on fast. For a while, I stayed depressed but began to live life again soon. But I made sure not to date someone until I was sure it was because I liked them for them and not cuz I just needed somebody to replace ash. In May, me & one of my classmates began to bond and by June, he asked me out. Of-course I still love Ash but I've moved on and am very happy with Josh. Ash ended up regretting the decision, and sometimes I regretted that he made it too, but I never let that stop me from living my life and remembering that that's just how life goes. I still love him, and I probably always will, but I don't think I'd re-date him if I had the chance to, I'm content with just loving him as my friend now. Plus Josh makes me really happy. Hopefully one day I'll be able to tell Josh that I love him and actually love him like I loved Ash. When I think about things logically, I should love Josh more, because he's logically way better than Ash in many ways, but I can't because of what happened with Ash and also because, unlike Ash, Josh isn't the emotional type and at the moment cannot love. Maybe one day though, if we last that long. I really hate that I just compared the two of them, but it happened so no use crying over spilled milk. Even though Ash did break up with me, I still stick to what I said to him in the Chat above and I'd like to point out that it was him that left, meaning I kept my word in never giving up on him until he did. Anyway, I still think what I said was true and am very proud of the wisdom I poured out. Maybe I might have helped someone else, even thought it didn't help me in the end...
Peace!!!
