I Am Who I Am!!!

I Am Who I Am!!!

Written By: Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Inspired By: Khumoetsile Monthe

If you've got a problem with me
That jus' aint my sh*t,
Ya cant choose who I kiss
And ya cant choose who I hit.
I dont care what you're saying
And I dont care what you do,
But try to change one thing bout me
Then I've got a problem with You!
You cant change what I like
And you cant change what I wear,
You cant change who I'm in love with
So get out of my hair!
I'm really getting sick and tired
You're driving me Insane,
So please dont tell me what to do
I'm not your f*cking maid!
Dont tell me my fave colour's evil
Or that my Boyfriend suckz,
Cuz that's jus' gonna make me mad
Dont even try your luck.
Don't tell me you know what i think
Or what my friends all do,
You dont know Sh*t bout who i chill with
Or what we say bout you.
Jus' one more thing I'm gonna say
And that's that I'll Always be me,
So shut up, get out, Go Away
So I can be Happy!!!

Boo Yah!!!
XOXOXO

Why!?

Why!?

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Thursday 17 July 2008 (0237h)

Why is it in today's society, we have to look hard to find a good person?
Why do we judge others when we cannot take being judged ourselves?
Why must we judge the rest of the world for a mistake most others might have made?
Why do we judge others at all???
Why do we insult or ridicule others for doing wrong rather than working with them to change for the better?
Why can't we use our own common sense and knowledge to keep from doing wrong?
Why must we talk about eachother behind eachother's backs?
Why is it that when one girl is a whore, every other girl is then judged and said to be one too?
Why s it when one guy cheats, the others suffer the judgement tha they all do too?
Why can't some people accept that there are still decent and moral people in today's modern society?
Why must we all be judged by who we are or what we say or do?
Why must we pride over others and make them feel small when we think we are right and they are wrong?
Why must we argue over matters where there are no right or wrong opinions?
Why can't we accept others and ourselves for who we really are?
Why is it we can show our true colours at church or at service but hide or change ourselves in the eyes of our peers to match what they think is "cool"?
Why do we ask so many questions who's answers only draw more complicated questions?
Why must we bask in anger and grudge rather than accepting defeat and moving on when you are wrong?
Why must we seek revenge knowing that it isnt right?
Why can't we accept that there is no such thing as "Perfection"?
Why must we make others suffer when we ourselves don't have anything better to do?
Why do we have to taunt and ridicule others when we're not feeling too good about ourselves?
Why do we hate people rather than the things that they do?
Why must we show off and compete with others when our biggest challenge yet is competing with ourselves?
Why must people be so ostentatious?
Wy must we crave so much attention?
Why can't we just love eachother the way God created to do?
Why must we live to please others by displeasing ourselves?
Why is it so hard for some people to be a real friend all the time and not justsometimes?
Why must we judge eachother when one might not even know the whole truth?
Why can't we shut up when our opinions aren't wanted rather than pshing the limits to make ourselves heard?
Why do we not speak of love insted of accusing the world when none else does?
Why can't people practise what they preach?

Why AM i askng these questions anyway?
Am i forced into a state of perplexity where nothing say can be heard nor understood?
Or am i merely curious to see the opinions of others when myself know my own answers and opinions to the questions i ask?
I duno...
You Tell Me!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2008 
17 July 2009

Uncertainty Unjust

Uncertainty Unjust
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

Wednesday 9 July 2008 (0241h)

I think back, back into the past;

I remember those days of Joy and warmth and fun.

Deep in thought I lie on my bed feeling lost, light headed, forlorn...

I find myself staring into the blazing heat of the sun.

A depressing sight, a shallow mood;

Layers of thoughts and philosophies, all disgarded, all abandoned!

Dreams fly across the threads of my mind,

They seek the sureness I used to have in myself and all others.

Starting to struggle to find myself, I search for somebody else.

The one I call my trust and hope, the one I call my angel.

I seek him, I find him, but then...
I'm left alone once more.

Having been spoken to for a few minutes then abandoned, yet another time.

Knowing that for them, there are other issues to be attended to,

I try to reasure myself that all is fine, and indeed all is fine,

But then why doesn't my wondering mind want to listen?

Twisting itself into thoughts of depression & anger at what has yet to happen.

A struggle I am going through, with only myself to seek help from.

Everyone else is incapable of being there, of seeing what I have become.

A slump, a body without a soul, walking the earth with no purpose.

They try, they talk, but none can come and see for themselves.

Cruel fate has thrown the worst timing at me.

The rest of the world busies itself for upcoming importances.

The ones who care for me, all drawn away by other commitments

I understand, I do not sustain anger or frustration for those I speak of.

But the same cannot be said 4the twisted mess that has been left of my mind.

"Injustice!" I think to myself.
My mind does me nothing but injustice.

I cannot control my own thoughts any longer.
Insanity Breaks!
Not again!

What a time for an obstacle of life to be thrown into my path!

When I cannot be helped because nobody can see.
Nobody can know.

I think to myself of the past I enjoyed so much and I think of how it used to be.

How cruel the world must be, for we cannot relive our proudest moments!

Uncertainty breaks!
My mind runs loose!
It does not care; It does not feel!

Refusing to cry, refusing to break down, Anger Erupts and Energy bursts!

The wood cries as my nuckles dig into the hard wordrobe doors,

The walls feel the thump as my cranium meets the hard cement,

The earth is then silenced when the sound of my body hitting the cold hard floor is heared like a pindrop in the thickness of the heavy atmosphere.

I lose sight of what matters and slump into a state I don't want to be in.

I foolishly ask myself if I am really loved;
If anybody cares!

I answer myself "Of-course they care!", but the questions do not disappear!

Uncertainty fills my mind!

Discouragement pulls me back!

Feeling Thrown aside; Abandoned and Forlorn define me!

These unwanted thoughts of injustice!

These un-needed feelings of depression!

They will not leave me alone!

I want them to leave me alone!

But alas, they will not budge, they will not be shuved aside!

And why, I ask, is it me that they taunt?
Why is it me they choose to crush!?

I know in myself, that I really am loved, but my mind - it doesn't care!

Making me uncertain and pushing my confidence aside.

Truth, crushed!

Kindness, erased!

Love, unthought of!

Tears, pushed into view!

Hatred, released!

Uncertainty, Unjust!!!

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2008 

9 July 2009