Misunderstood
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Saturday 10 July 2010 (0241h)
Problems only exist when we think they are there
I overreacted and created my own nightmare
Though we did not talk much and little of you would I see
There were no real problems, they all came from me
You have your friends and I have mine too
I felt like pulling you away from yours would be rude
I did not mind and I did not care
I said hello and goodbye then suddenly disappear
I know self-expression is not your best game
I have a best friend who's exactly the same
It did not bother me, not even for a while
Yet the doubt growing in my mind often took away my smile
You never did me wrong, I do not know why I was scared
Sure you almost dumped me, but the fact is; now you're here!
I'm sorry if I worried you with all these crazy mood swings
I realized yesterday that's not how to handle things
Yesterday I was calm and happy and put away my pride
You chilled with your friends and I with mine, having fun outside
I felt a sudden comfort I never used to have with you
That's when I realized I could relax with what I say and do
Yesterday it was proven that you and I can work
As long as I stop being stupid and stop seeing things at their worst
I'm so glad I have found the truth; I'm glad that I was wrong!
No more sadness, no more fear; For us I will be strong!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
10 July 2010
One Month
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 8 July 2010 (0853h)
Is it just me? Am I just Afraid?
Why do I feel like he's slipping away?
What is he thinking? What's on his mind?
Why am I feeling lots of doubt in his vibe?
Does he doubt himself or does he doubt me?
What's the reason behind almost setting me free?
What makes him happy? What must I do?
Conversations are empty; This much is true.
I fear he'll get bored cuz often we don't speak,
I fear his doubts grow strong and my arguments weak.
Communication is low, that I know well;
If he's upset he keeps it bottled, if he's worried he won't tell.
This is the reason he gave for almost leaving:
He's afraid he will hurt me and in the end leave me grieving.
This is untrue, cuz in him I can trust
Though if he tires of me, I'll let him do what he must
I hope he knows he can trust me to tell me what's up,
And believe that he can be comfortable enough to seek my touch.
If he is worried or angry or sad,
I hope he can share with me times of good and of bad.
I'll be here for him like he says he's here for me
I just want him to tell me if something in him disagrees
Tell me when I'm wrong and tell me when I'm right
Until you say you want me gone, for you I'm going to fight.
~ * ~ It's gonna be different this time ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
8 July 2010
Unasleep
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Wednesday 7 July 2010 (0024h)
I feel restless and I can't fall asleep
Stormy and cluttered thoughts make home in me
I do not know why I'm unable to rest
I lie here feeling like my mind's in too much a mess
Traces of sorrow and traces of doubt
They threaten to squash the joy I just found
Am I so useless and so void of worth?
Is he really just afraid that I will get hurt?
Why can't I chill; Why can't I be calm?
What happened to me? My confidence is gone
Him I don't blame; If I did, myself I'd hate
For him I'm willing to patiently wait
He don't have to worry, he don't have to change
He might think I'm stupid, he might think I'm strange
But till the day he tires of being with me
He don't have to worry bout setting me free
Does he want me as much as I want him?
Does he know that everyday in my mind he swims?
Will he ever know why I look in his eyes?
Does he know my often distant self is just a disguise?
I can't stop wishing I could read his mind
I want to know what to do to make him smile
I feel like I'm losing the one I just found
Please stay for a while; Please for now stick around...
~ * ~ Give us one more chance ~ * ~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
7 July 2010
Wild Cat
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Monday 5 July 2010 (0907h)
Mighty is he in the Jungle
Strong and respected is he
Outside the Jungle he's silent
To all, he's a mystery
Sometimes he comes, sometimes he strays
His is a spirit so free
Independent and alone he's often found
His thoughts unknown to me
I often sit and watch him hunt
The others of his kind in the back
Training the cubs to be strong and proud
He is the leader of his pack
Though I dwell in his Jungle often
And little of him do I see
A stay patient and wait for him to approach
Cuz the waiting is worth it to me
When the time is come and he is here
I rest by him in comfort and bliss
His eyes so deep, his smile so unique
There's no more in the world for which I'll wish
As different as we are from each other
I feel special because he chose me
I'm just a wild Tigress; not very great
But in his eyes, a beauty...
~*~ Mi Jaguar!!! ~*~
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
5 July 2010
-- [ Okay, this poem would be difficult to understand for anyone who isn't a student at my school. It's poem a wrote about the guy I'm currently dating, Joshua Makanya, who doesn't even know I've written any of these poems bout him. LoL. We're in Form 6 (AS Level Students) at Livingstone K College (It's a High School in Gaborone Botswana) and he's the captain of the school's rugby team, The LKC Jaguars. It's basically the only sports team in the school that has any respect, in fact the Jaguars are basically the entire spirit of LKC. But I'm going out of topic now... Basically, he's really popular even though he really hates attention and is really quiet and I'm not so much (Okay, I know alota people cuz I'm really social and friendly but until Josh, I wasn't exactly much of a part of the Form 6 class) so it rox that he's actually with me. So yeah, this information should help with understanding the poem now. LoL ] --
Cupid's Chokehold
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Wednesday 2 June 2010 (1134h)
Here I sit behind you
And you're talking to your boys
Silence reigns within my head
Though the room is filled with noise
I stare at you; my cheeks turn red,
My girl catches me in a blush
I try to turn away, but continue to stare
Before I look away at last
I try to keep my distance
So I won't lose my nerves again
But when I talk to you, I feel at home;
So good to have you as a friend
So here I sit behind you
While you're laughing with your boys
Hoping soon these feelings pass
Cuz I'm drowning in your voice
Sweet, Musical and funny
You're quite the mystery
But I stand here and ask Cupid please
To kindly set me free
Set me free Cupid
This hold is too tight
Set me free Cupid
Capture me again when the time is right!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
2 June 2010
My Resolve
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Tuesday 18 May 2010 (0857h)
From being broken into pieces by the one I loved the most
To being crushed by the crush I had on he I called my bro
Seeing my ex, My very first love, simply tore me in two
I now I deal with the disappointment of blindly losing you
2010 refuses me any guy who's come around
Dumped, crushed and self-rejected (and the other guy's not even in town)
I've tried giving up and live for nobody but me
But it's left me cold, tired, confused and feeling empty
My true love left me to be with someone else
And now I'm one of five you had to choose - The one left fending for herself
Don't feel bad or sorry, I know I'm not a disgrace
I must admit I've grown accustomed to coming in last place
There's nothing left that I can do, so I'll leave it up to fate
Maybe someone will find me in a month or a year - There's no time that's too late
I'm not gonna sit around waiting for a guy, I'm not that kind of girl
But I'll give chance to one who might cross my path and say that I'm his world
For now I'll just stick to my friends - The people I love so much
And by my side God will always stay, so I know I shall never be lost
So thanks so much to those who care; To you my happiness I owe
You guys mean so much to me (That's just something I thought you should know)
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
18 May 2010
Don't...
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Sunday 16 May 2010 (1918h)
Don't base your decision on anything I've said,
Don't think your decision is anything to regret,
Make your decision yours from the start,
Don't make it unless you're listening to your heart.
Don't say a word unless it's what you want to say,
Don't do anything unless you're doing it your way,
Make sure you're the only one who will choose,
Don't leave your fate up to anyone but you.
You say you need time to think about your life,
You need to figure out how you're feeling inside,
Just know I understand cause I've felt that way before,
But I let someone else push me aside and take the floor.
I don't want to be the one to do that to you,
What happens in your life has to be what you choose,
So think to yourself what you think you truly need,
Do it your way and at your own speed.
If you don't need anyone or have somebody else,
I won't stop talking to you or feel sorry for myself,
I'll always be your friend and be proud of how you've grown,
Don't worry about me love, cause I'm used to being alone...
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
16 May 2010
Do you know...?
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Saturday 15 May 2010 (2323h)
Do you know how it feels to not be content,
With a life that seems like it is truly heaven sent?
Do you know what it's like to have the best friends on earth,
But still feel so lonely and down in the dirt?
Do you know how it feels when you can't go to sleep,
Cuz you're tossing and turning with thoughts so deep?
Do you know what it's like to reach out in the dark,
In your sleep trying to find someone to hold your heart?
Do you know what it's like to still be in a dream,
And you realize everything isn't all that it seems?
Do you know how it feels to be half awake,
And not realize every move that you make?
Do you know what it's like to reach out for someone to hold,
Half asleep, half awake, with nowhere to go?
Do you know how it feels to cry to those who care,
Cuz you still feel so lonely even though they are there?
Do you know how it feels to always be in need,
Always dependent on knight with a white steed?
Do you know what it's like to try and to try,
To live for yourself and not for a guy?
Do you know what it's like to feel like you're a pest,
Yet still by your side, your friends remain the best?
Do you know how it feels to want to be alone,
Yet your heart haunts you in your sleep and in your home?
Do you know?
Do you know...?
I wish I could say no...
I wish I did'nt know!
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
15 May 2010
I wish...
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Saturday 15 May 2010 (0237h)
I wish I could tell you something I just realized tonight,
But I'm afraid you're gonna freak out and stop talking to me out of fright.
I wish I could say something you said to me only once before,
But I'm scared because I fear that you don't feel that way no more...
I wish I could tell you the words in my head,
I'm bursting with all my crazy thoughts wen I'm in bed.
When I go to sleep and dream what I do,
I dream that I finally find the courage to tell you...
I wish I could say what you said to me once before,
But I'm scared that you wont wanna say it no more.
So I'll keep to myself what I want so bad to say,
And dream that I manage to tell you one day...
Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2010
15 May 2010
