Random Thoughts in my Messed-Up Mind

You ever notice how the people you love tend to be difficult a lot of the time...
And make you upset a lot too,
And make it hard for you to see the good, great and just plain Amazing things about them.

But then... One day they're gone
And all you have left are the memories.
And you see the good things in a new light,
And you wish that you'd pointed them out
A little more often along the way.

Sometimes its hard to believe that you didn't realise what you had until you've lost it.
And you feel so bad for not noticing every great thing about them
And for not telling them more often how much you really appreciate them.
Its hard to look back at someone you love just as their looking away
And know that they no longer love you back.
Whether its letting go of a strong family bond with your sibling or favourite cousin,
Or right after a break-up...
Or losing a close friend... or your best friend.

And then you look back at everything they've done for you and the impact they've had on your life,
And you notice how big a mistake you made by either pushing them away, breaking their heart, making them think you don't care, or letting them go...
Even just the small things they've done for you seem to matter a whole lot more...
They make you realize how much they really meant to you...
And then you start to regret not a appreciating them more.
Whether it was as simple as defying their family just to see you on a special day,
Or as complicated as never leaving your side, always being there for you through the roughness you go through in your life, and feeling your pain in times of trouble... even when you don't want them to.

Sometimes you forget about everything you and your friend, your sister, brother, cousin, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or parent have done for each other.
And sometimes you don't really realise just how much they've done for you, until finally their gone...
Like; Praying for a friend in need,
Throwing your brother a party,
Running away from home for a night to show someone how much they mean to you,
Protecting your sister when someone breaks her arm... or her heart,
Or simply being there to help a troubled loved one smile.

And you look back...
And regret not seeing how much somebody sacrificed for you...
Until you've left them in the dust and broke them in half.
Then when you finally come back to your senses, and realise how you wish you'd never done that,
You then begin to realise that what is done is done,
So yo forget about it... And move on.

But as you begin moving on, you realise how much the person you left behind really meant to you.
And realise they they indeed meant a lot more to you than you ever thought they would.
But you then see how you've realised this oh too late.
And now both of you have moved on and something great is now lost... Forever.
Strong Family Bonds.
A Truly Amazing Love.
A Great Friendship.
All lost to the actions of we human beings.

Nelly Furtado:

Flames to Dust,
Lovers to Friends.
Why do all Good things come to an End?

Yes. Why do all good things come to an end?
Maybe to make life challenging, in order to strengthen us for the events that lie ahead.
Maybe to make room for something more significant, greater, more amazing...
Or maybe simply because we didn't take very good care of it...

Its tough.
Losing strong friendships.
Breaking a bond between family.
Letting go of someone you love.
Saying goodbye to your best friend.
I've been through it all.
but going through it all has really strengthened me... made me wiser.

The experiences I've had have pushed me to become a better person,
To learn and know how to handle these heart wrenching experiences, and handle them well.
And they've pushed me to show my true colours, who I really am, a lot more often than I ever thought I would. And its a good thing...
Because... as other people got to know me more,
I've made new friendships, stronger bonds with the people around me,
And most importantly, I have learned a lot more about myself.
I've been forced o be more emotionally prepared than some people alot older than myself...
But hey! I'm not complaining!

Though I've been through so much,
Though I've felt pain (both physically and emotionaly) far beyond the comprehension of those around me,
Though I've been left with an abundance of deep emotional scars,
I've learned from them and improved myself accordingly,
And i know that because of it, my future has become a lot brighter.
And I've become someone I never even dreamed I'd be.

I used to look at the mirror and scowl at the girl that stared back.
I hated her.
She disappointed me way too often.
Then as i kept growing, both inside and out, i began to look at her... And smile.
And she smiles back.
I've grown to love her.
I'm proud of her.
And my confidence has soared to a new high!
And I'm no longer afraid to speak up and say...
This is Me!!!
(",)

XoXoXoXoX

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2008
17 September 2008