What Now...?

What Now...?
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Thursday 26 March 2009 (0912h)

Smiling and laughing I
Feel disgusted at myself
Pretending and acting like nothing is wrong
My face portraying a person that
Doesn't exsist within my body
Abundant in Logorrhea on the surface
while inside I know it's taking all my energy
Draining my heart and my soul
Emptying my senses
But I wont stop hiding the
Shallow and unnecessary depression that is
Aching to burst out
But I wont let it happen
Not again
Not today
Not after everything everyone who cares about me
Has done for me
Has said to me
Disguising the tears
My inner hurt and confusion
Hidden behind a mask of false happiness
Fake smiles and heartless laughter
when really inside I'm broken
Dying and discintigrating
Into a corpse with no soul
A body with no emotion, feeling or heart
Becoming something
I never wanted to be
A monster within myself
Destroying the person I worked so hard to become
And promised I'd always be
The hurt from being thrown aside so suddenly
Like nothing but another peice of garbage
Cannot possibly compare to the mounting pain
Of knowing I've lost yet another friend
I've lost a part of me
I've lost my state of mind
The piercing ache from knowin
That I've lost myself
But I will go on
If not now, then later
And I will not stay down
Over and over I fall
I stumble and tumble and fail to take flight
But I always get back up
Even if it takes an eternity
I always get the last say on
what happens to me
What happens to my life
So I'ma Cry
I'ma hurt
I'ma scream and writhe in agony
But I know
That sooner or later
It's me that's gon have the last laugh
The last real smile
The last sincere truth
That's right
I'm gon have the last laugh

"HaHa!"
xoxoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
26 March 2009