Wierd...

Wierd...
By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora
Tuesday 24 March 2009 (2033h)

Wierd how I can feel
Hurt yet unhurt at the same time...
How I can
Cry but be surpisingly calm
While the tears flow down my face
And the slow thump of my heart speeds out of control
And deep slow breaths
Pass thorugh my lips sharp and fast...
Wierd how I
Feel so attached but strangely unattached...
How I
Want to let go but
Not let go of
Whatever it was we had,
We shared,
We cherished and despised...
Wierd that I feel like crying but
Feel like not cryin...
How I
Find myself refusing to accept this end but
Find myself easily accepting the end while
Tear by tear,
Drop by drop,
Slowly the salty water caresses my burning cheeks
And falling lightly off my face
Slowing down through time as they
Travel to the ground and
Disapear on the floor
With the rest of the tears I've cried over the years while
A small glint of a smile lingers on the
Ends of my lips and a glint of mystery and
Adventure sparkles in the depth of my
Shining teary eyes...
Its wierd
That I can feel like I've been
Ripped in half
But still feel fixed at the same tym
And I seem to
Hold tight but move on all at once...
Wierd how I laugh and smile in front of you
When inside I know I'm crying,
Inside im dying...
Wierd how
I loved you as my friend
Liked you as a lover
And fear you as new part of my past...
Wierd how I
Wanna keep talking to you but
Not want to for fear of the
Akwardness that surely will follow...
Wierd that
I cant feel myself breathing,
That i want to stop
But don't ever want to stop
Wierd how my
Senses are taking over
But gradualy fading away
Making me feel like
A great burden has been thrust upon me
But lifted at the same time...
Wierd how I feel
So good
But so bad,
So Happy
Yet so sad,
So hurt
But so free...
All this
All at once...
This wierd feeling,
These wierd thoughts,
This pile up of multiple insyts,
This ease,
This unease,
This justice to unjustice,
This fear of fear,
This backfire of care,
This decite to decite,
The strange and alien world I'm in
That feels so familliar and so like home,
How used to it I am
That I'm no longer used to it...
How I
Expect things to go how I dont expect things to go...
Wierd,
So wierd,
How wierd things are when things aren't wierd
But how wierd they are when they are...
Wierd how
I like you but
I cant stand you yet
I wanna be with you
Cuz when I'm not with you I
Feel so empty
Yet when I'm with you I
Still feel lyk something is missing
Yet everything's there
And everything's in place...
So wierd, so...
I'm gonna say goodbye to goodbye
And say hello to the
Wierd new world that I've
Just enterd for the very first time
That i've lived in for so so long...
Wierd how
The wierd thing is
Without this wierd
Things would be so wierd...
So ima be wierd
While waiting for you to be wierd with me and
To see that this is just so wierd
And so unperfect but
All too perfect all at once...
I never expected you to be perfect and
I never expected us to be perfect cuz
I'm anything but perfect so
I'ma say FUCK YOU to perfect
And welcome unperfect into my heart...!

Now...
Isn't that wierd...?

xoxoxoxox

Copyright (c) Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora, 2009 
24 March 2009